Sex and Virtual Friendship
Humorist Will Rogers famously said, "I never met a man I didn't like." It's probably just as we... With friends like this . . .
Humorist Will Rogers famously said, "I never met a man I didn't like." It's probably just as well that Joseph Epstein, former editor of The American Scholar and author of over a dozen books (including Snobbery: The American Version), isn't that all-inclusive. If he were, this lengthy, painstaking calibration of just how much he likes his extensive circle of acquaintances would be even longer.
As it is, it already seems too long. It does not say anything particularly new, nor does it say it memorably. Epstein takes pains to announce that this is not a "how-to" book on making friends and influencing people, nor therapeutic "psychobabble" (Freudian or otherwise), and nor a systematic sociological treatise.
It is a taxonomy of friendships, from intimate to "middle-distance" to virtual (or e-mail), featuring Epstein's renditions of his own personal experiences, his thoughts on philosophical treatments of friendship from Aristotle to Michael Oakeshott, and gossipy renditions of various literary friendships.
Although the philosophy and gossip are often engaging, Epstein's own reminiscences and observations, which dominate the book, are not. Most of his personal stories are just general enough to lack color or life, albeit sometimes revealing. Consider this entry from a "friendship diary" he kept to compile data for this book: "Wrote a (lying) e-mail to LF, telling him I could not meet him in Evanston anytime next weekend when he will be in Chicago. I like him but not well enough to cut into my weekends." Imagine a 12-page chapter composed almost entirely of stuff like this. The other 18 chapters are better, but not by much. Intending to come across as candid, urbane and disarming, Epstein ends up sounding merely self-centered and smug. Truth to tell, if he weren't who he is, it's difficult to imagine this self-indulgent, repetitive and ultimately boring book ever seeing the light of day. "Books are friends," says the old poem. But you won't want to make this one more than a passing acquaintance.
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